Lollipops Contain Dangerous Chemicals - Who Is Behind This? by Shireen Dalton

Sweetie’s Extreme Lollipops are ruling over 95% of the U.S. population, and it’s no surprise. As you probably know all too well, we cannot stress the word “extreme” too much. The Extreme Lollipops are truly unique: grapes quiver violently when held, oranges turn into edible soap bubbles, cherries have lumps bobbing up and down around the surface. No wonder they’re such a big hit around the country. But recent studies reveal surprising information: could the mysterious illness epidemic that’s spreading across the nation and the Extreme Lollipops be linked? Tests have shown that the lollipops may contain hazardous chemicals that could cause the unknown disease slowly picking off the American population. The official name for this illness has been recently picked - eget-dulce, literally meaning “chemical sweet” in Latin. Jane Imbleton, head of the facility that conducted the studies, says, “We have tried to tell companies our recent discovery. We tell them to take [the lollipops] off their shelves. They should be recalled.” Imbleton has tried to tell over 50 major store companies to reject all Sweetie’s products. “But the companies don’t listen. They don’t believe it. These lollipops may be part of the American history - but not in the way we all think they will.” Imbleton’s facility has also uncovered an addictive factor in the Extreme Lollipops. “Eat just one, and you’ll be hooked,” Imbleton says. “Like smoking or drugs, it’s almost impossible to quit.”

On the other hand, Daphne Doohickey, CEO of Sweetie’s, says the studies are nonsense. “Sweetie’s only puts the finest ingredients in all our products,” Doohickey says. Despite this, the first ingredient is “condensed high fructose corn syrup powder liquid,” something that doesn’t come up on other lollipops and definitely doesn’t sound good for you. Or does Doohickey not know this? She is the CEO, after all.

But no one would just fill edibles with chemicals without knowing - or knowing that they’re crafting a killer disease that could knock out the whole country. Obviously Sweetie’s should’ve done some research on the “condensed high fructose corn syrup powder liquid.” So is this just a big mistake and Sweetie’s really doesn’t want to be a multi-million mass-murderer? Or do they actually want to kill off all Americans - and possibly more? Even the President has fallen ill with eget-dulce. Maybe a boycott is in order?