Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton Revealed as Aliens by Kathryn Sitrin

Recently, the National Extraterrestrial Politician Extermination Society (NETPES) has publically announced being in possession of shocking footage of Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton removing their skin masks and revealing terrifying alien faces. The uncensored footage shows the president and presidential candidate arguing passionately, then removing their masks, screaming in an alien language, then attacking each other. “This footage is extremely disturbing, but we eventually decided this is something that the public has to see to believe… and that they deserve to see, too” says Sue Marshfield, creator of NETPES. “There have been controversies about political leaders being aliens before, but this footage shows the truth about our politicians.”

Both political parties repeatedly deny this information. They enthuse that this footage is a scam. “We know that this is monumental to the political landscape. It will take time for Americans to accept this,” says Marshfield. The video will be released to the general public soon.

UNICORNS ARE TAKING OVER THE WORLD! by Nithya Atla

The news is in and it is all true, Unicorns are real and alive, and are and I repeat, are planning to take over the world, kill the prime ministers and presidents of this world, take all citizens as their slaves, and are partnered with the dragons. These two believed to be mythical creatures are real and breathing fire. The unicorns are maiming people with their horns in Rome, Italy, and the Notre-Dame Cathedral been burned down by the dragons. When interviewing the top scientist Jacqueline K. Barton Professor I asked how was it humanly possible that these animals had stayed in hiding for so long. After think a little, this is what she told me. “ These animals are so much smarter than us, and their plan is brilliant. They waited till we let down our guard a little and the attacked. About how they stayed hidden, it’s just like how mermaids can be alive. We have only explored so much and with that being said, they have many powers. Maybe one is invisibility.” Stay safe, listen to the radio and don’t go outside unless told by the police.

Fossilized Clowns and Circus Found! by Erin Sitrin

On July 15, 2017, a team of archaeologists in Australia discovered the remains of a human-like creature that looks suspiciously like clowns found at parties and carnivals. “At first, we thought it was just the skeleton of a human,” says Professor Mary Bakanowsky, one of the archaeologists on the team, “then we noticed that the fossil had abnormally large hands, feet and nose. It didn’t take long for us to figure out that what we had found was the fossil of an ancient clown.” The team dug deeper and found the remains of a small horn, a unicycle, a clown car and, most importantly, a brightly colored cannon with the preserved remains of another clown.

“We think that this great discovery reveals that there was, at one point, an ancient civilization of clowns living in Australia!” says Bakanowsky, “We’re going to do a lot of research on the clown in the cannon.”

This discovery has sparked debate in the archaeological community. “I think that the discovery of these ‘clowns’ is utter nonsense!” archaeologist Paul Mathews states, while scientist Jill Smith has gone on record saying that “...this discovery is groundbreaking and a great step for learning about the history of this planet!” Either way, the archaeologists who discovered the fossils are going to keep them closed from the public until further research is done.

Millennia Old Alien Prepared For Invasion of Norway After Human Helps With Plans!!!! by Daniel Jungwirth

An Alien has been found near the Norwegian sea by scientist Dimitri Petrokovitch with tentacles and eyes as white as paper, and Dimitri even said he has been making efforts to communicate with the alien, but has not succeeded so far.   Dimitri says he came across the alien, named Faleoont, when he was on a cruise ship on his way to Norway.  He says he found it injured floating in the water and decided that he must nurture it back to health, so that is exactly what he did.  The alien is kept in a secret underground laboratory in New Mexico with tons of scientists studying it in hopes to find as many facts as they can.  The captain of the cruise ship, however, says he saw no alien, saying it was simply a log and that Petrokovitch was hallucinating, going crazy over nothing.  Dimitri reports "The only sentence we seem to get out of it is that it's from Kepler 22b and has been here for thousands of years."   It is unclear if the alien is real, seeing as no one is a loud to take a picture or anything of the sort of the alien.  However, Dimitri is convinced that by the end of this era, all will know that Faleoont is 100% genuine. 

U.F.O. found in area 51 by Arthur Wei

We interviewed Ash Kechum and he said that he was playing Pokemon Go on his Iphone 7 and he heard a noise. He looked up from his phone and saw the fence of area 51. He saw a UFO and took a photo of it. Another person that saw it was Barack Obama. He was taking a vacation and he suddenly ran into a fence. He cursed at the fence and soon after, he saw a UFO behind the fence. He then said that a blue,fat,and skinny alien climbed out of the UFO. The alien saw him and took out a gun. Barack Obama fled the place, back to his hotel. He states that he almost got shot by the gun. He thinks it was a laser gun. The FBI went to look at the place. They found no trace of the alien, but they found the gun that Obama stated.

Lady Gaga changes Katy Perry’s work by Ahan Devgun

In San Dimas, California, New York Citian, Lady Gaga was shown sabotaging Santa Barbaran Katy Perry’s work, the Bad Romance singer was caught changing Katy Perry’s work that she was going to put on her album going to be released in 2021. Luckily she was caught by the fellow songwriter Max Martin. This famous songwriter is co-writing many songs on Katy Perry’s new album. Max Martin and Katy Perry’s bodyguards researched the crime. One of bodyguards found some evidence.

“Lady Gaga happened to walk into Katy Perry’s songwriting area, she started reading Katy Perry’s work, suddenly she kept Katy’s work in her pocket and replaced it with neq different work, luckily Max walked into the room in that moment and reported this to Katy Perry.”

Now we will see if Lady Gaga is arrested for her crime.

Genetically Modified Dogs on the Loose! By Collin Marshall

A new species of dog has escaped from the Sydney animal research center in Australia after being brought outdoors for the first time. These dogs are said to be genetically modified to become better hunters. They have enhanced senses and can run through the dense forest at over 40 miles per hour. Their jaws and teeth are more dangerous than wolves. Now the Australian police have shut down the island because there have been multiple deaths from these dog attacks. One witness said that the pack of dogs were just a blur when they came out of the forest and that he was to stunned to do anything.

ALIENS SET TO TAKE OVER US GOVERNMENT!!! by Ram Arora

Extra!!! Extra!!! UFO’s have been spotted lurking over the White house just last week on July 10, 2017. And he took Trump!!! Some people think that this is bad, well others think that this is good. Many people have died just because of fighting. Meanwhile, we have started new elections for the president. So far, Hillary is the only one running for president. So it looks like Hillary will win the election. Many other people have been saying that they saw more UFO’s around the White House. And there is some more in the article. Read to find more!!!

Homeless Troll Living Under Golden Gate Bridge Linked To Crime Spree!!! by Sophia Reed

Yesterday, a rather large troll was found sleeping under California’s Golden Gate Bridge by 15-year-old Jerry Benson at 6 o’clock sharp in the afternoon. “The troll abruptly woke up when it heard me,” Mr. Benson said. “It was about 6’8”, and had huge white teeth that were really pointy. It tried to say something, but it spoke in some foreign language that I don’t understand, and it didn’t sound anything like English.” Another passer-by also claimed to have seen this troll. “I watched it stand up and look at something behind it, and it looked like a pile of treasures, particularly money and gold,” says Mr. Jasper Collins. We sent one of our own reporters out and it turned out to be just a crazy homeless man in a costume.

Man almost kills the president? by Theodore Nguyen

On Monday July 17th, Mr. Donald Trump was almost killed by a man called Donald Dump who was 16 years old.

The attacker’s motive was Donald Trump’s name. Donald Dump said Donald Trump was very insulting to his name. He states,”A president that has a name almost like mine? How insulting” Donald Trump was attacked by a flying drone that was carrying hot water. The drone flew over the white house while the guards couldn’t do anything by throw their batons at the drone but all 23 batons missed the drone. Thankfully Donald Trump was carrying his miniature wall with him and blocked the burning water. Donald Dump has been taken into special custody at Donald Trump’s house. Donald Trump says he has a way of reforming people that don’t like him. We have recently tracked a huge shipment of bricks to his house. Maybe instead of stoning people he has started a new trend in society of bricking people? Vice president Mike Fence says that Donald Dump will be fine and no harm will be done to him. He also says that the hot water had been tested and the hot water would have burned Donald Trump’s face. The government is looking into more motives Donald Dump would have had.

UNICORN SIGHTING IN WILTSHIRE by Rose McIntyre

Wiltshire England, Stonehenge --- December 7th, 2016, just after sunset, a figure was seen in the center of the circle of prehistoric stones, after further examination, the figure was revealed to be a unicorn.

Many people were skeptical of this discovery at first, but after they were led to the ring of stones and saw first-hand the tracks and droppings of the mythical creature, all agreed that a unicorn had, in fact, been there. Unicorns, often considered a superior horse, have been considered myth since ancient times, but now that this sighting has been reported, they will be myth no longer.

The unicorn, whom they named Charlie, had left the reporters a pile of beautiful golden nuggets, suspected to be the gorgeous animal’s dung. The first people on the scene report that the air smelt like cotton candy and a rainbow was just overhead. Charlie was a pure white stallion, perhaps 16-17 hands high with a horn made from skittles and happiness. Reporters say that they do not know when he will be back, but all they know is that he will return eventually. We can finally say; unicorns are real.

Man Eating Chair Swallows Human in Rochester, NY by Arjun Taneja

A man eating chair swallowed a human sitting in it in Rochester NY, witnesses report seeing the chair open its mouth full of large white teeth and seeing the human bit into two pieces and disappear in the chair. It happened at Rochester Middle School at approxiametly 10:34 A.M.

The teacher of that math class, Mrs. Truman said it was a horrific moment. “ He.. He just disappeared” she stuttered. Ongoing students reported an immense crunch then the boy fell into the chair. Maybe the oddest part about the incident was that the chair fell silent and sat there just like a normal chair. All the students were certain that the chair swallowed the child, Justice Fenchenko noted.

It’s safe to say this incident has a sharp bite.

Childhood Vaccinations Celebrity Deaths? by Jacob Worwa

One of the biggest subjects that the American people have been protesting about is childhood vaccinations and the effects they have on our children, and the pressing question is, are childhood vaccinations linked to celebrity deaths?

Many celebrities have died in 2016, such as Princess Leia, Willy Wonka, and the Goblin King. Another important issue that year was childhood vaccinations, which can only mean that the two subjects are related. Our top researchers at News of Super Federal Wimportance (NSFW) have proven their research as follows:

“When children are vaccinated, the autism in their lungs gathers. Whenever kids use their electronics, such as phones, they breathe their germy juvenile lung particles all over that technology, which transmits through communication to other phone users. And since celebrities are very social and must use technology everyday, the autism virus goes nearer to them more often, and therefore celebrities die a lot and a lot and a lot. Also, Trump has to be behind this somehow.”

Finally, every celebrity who was vaccinated or is vaccinated will die. The evidence is clearly there with irrefutable proof.